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Hi Mortiz. I'll leave feedback here and please make a note here both of things I'd like you to change, and changes I've made (hopefully this will help you with future articles!). Please leave a note here as you respond to each item. --catfoo 23:58, 31 March 2007 (PDT)
Round two edits
- What about the history section? I was hoping for a couple sentences there summarizing Motorola's past.
=> i included a history section
- In the 3rd paragraph of the intro, you wrote that "signs have emerged" about the end of the dominance of the RAZR. what are these signs? slowing sales?
=> I included the signals that the end of the RAZR might be near, which is mostly slowing sales.
- In the WiMAX vs WCDMA section, you have a graph for WCDMA -- can you make one for WiMAX? it's peculiar to have one for the segment that motorola is NOT investing in. Also, how can motorola be 6th market share leader when it doesn't even appear on this graph?
=> i did some additional research on these two technologies. The WCDMA technology is the more prevalent technology today. Motorola is in 5th position there. WiMAX is a more recent technology, which may or may not have a big future, but today it is still much smaller (I couldn't obtain any numbers on how much smaller exactly, but WCDMA is dominating WiMAX). Motorola is the Market leader in WiMAX. If WiMAX makes a breakthrough, Motorola is in a great position, if not, Motorola only has a little market share of the most important technology.
- emerging markets graph -- i didn't find this graph particularly informative. The market is essentially flat and the punchline was that Motorola was behind Nokia. You can make that point in the text.
=> good point, I left the graph out.
- industry profits graph -- put Motorola on the bottom of the graph b/c it is hte most important. Also make Motorola a color instead of greyscale. It might look nice if Motorola is a color and the remaining ones are different greyscales, or you could use one bright color and others neutral.
=> i recreated a graph, please take a look at it.
- I think this article should talk more about the MotoFONE. It sounds like MotoFONE is positioned to really change the market due to its simplicity in both design and use. Do analysts think it will be big? Does Nokia have an equivalent product currently or in development?
- I read this on a webpage: low-end phones today represent "the major driver behind future subscriber and handset market growth," according to ABI. In a recent report, the research firm noted that Nokia and Motorola -- number one and two in the phone market -- have gained marketshare by dealing with mobile phone market segmentation better than smaller vendors.
- The report they mention is discussed further on this page [1]. Do you have it? I think the low end market and segmentation thing is fascinating.
=> i expanded on this.
- From last time:
- You discuss emerging markets but don't discuss any numbers. do you have any of these figures?
- => i went through Motorola's 10k, but they don't offer detailed numbers for each country.
- Is there a number for the overall size of the "emerging markets" that Motorola participates in?
=> i included a graph which breaks down motorola's sales by geography.
costumers => customers
Please correct this in all instances. --catfoo 00:00, 1 April 2007 (PDT)
=> done
- You missed a couple! I've corrected them. --catfoo 22:35, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
History
I've removed the entire history section, as I didn't think it was relevant to investors -- it only really addresses the founding and renaming of the company. This is definitely open to negotiation if you think there is a particular reason why investors would find it interesting. The bit about the semiconductor business being spun off should be reintegrated into a different area of the article:
In 2003, Motorola decided to spin off its semiconductor product sector into a separate company called Freescale Semiconductor Inc. Due to the spin-off the number of employees working for Motorola has dropped from about 150’000 to just 66’000. --catfoo 00:07, 1 April 2007 (PDT)
=> I partially disagree on the history section. I think the history section was too long and part of it should be taken out, but I think it would be interesting for investors to know how old the company is, and from where it originally came from as cellphones and wireless broadband is a relatively new technology. What do you think?
- Oh this is a good point! Why don't you try your hand at writing 1-2 sentences about company history at the start of the (now renamed) products section? --catfoo 23:34, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
I also reintegrated this part into business drivers, before I break down the company into three individual segments.
Annotation format
Refer to Parker's recent email (guidelines are replicated here: Things_to_look_out_for#Annotation_Format) and correct the annotation format. --catfoo 00:16, 1 April 2007 (PDT)
=> done (please check again to ensure i did the right thing)
- I've corrected them. --catfoo 23:38, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
Introduction
This section is missing a short paragraph on advantages and one short paragraph on disadvantages. Refer to the Southwest example (see the link on the Main page) for the kind of thing we're looking for here. --catfoo 22:17, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
you wrote: Motorola Inc. (NYSE: MOT) is one of the world’s premier providers of wireless handsets. What does "premier" mean here? Are they the market share leader? Are they the 2nd largest by sales? "premier" is a bit of a vague term, if a good phrase fits in here that would make it much better. --catfoo 22:20, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> edited introduction and added 2 paragraphs
Business drivers
you wrote: The demand for most of its products largely depends on the growth of the industries in which it participates. Participates how? Sells to? Competes in?
=> I altered it to " depens on the growth of the industries in which Motorola competes in"
you wrote: As a result, the company is well diversified, but also faces global risks that other companies that are not global may not face. What global risks are these? --catfoo 22:24, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> I added Motorola's most important global risk (slowdown of emerging markets growth)
Mobile services segment
consolidated net sales - What does this mean? I apologize that I'm not familiar with terms, but I may be a good measure for what the average lay reader would know. How is consolidated net sales different from plain old net sales and how is that different from plain old sales?
=> I changed it to the simpler "net sales"
Do these handsets get sold to the carriers directly? Do retail customers ever buy a handset from Motorola or do they get resold by the carrier? How does the carrier decide how many handsets to busy and what kind of periodicity do they buy them in?
=> I added how the phones get sold.
Is "Mobile Services" supposed to be capitalized? --catfoo 22:27, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> done
Networks and enterprise segment
I rewrote this section so it made more sense. Re-read and let me know if I've screwed anything up. --catfoo 22:34, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
Connected Home Solutions segment
Who are the customers? Cable companies? I'm interested in names. Same with the Network/Enterprise segment, since there are so few customers that the risk seems concentrated in the fortunes of those companies.
=> i added the name of the largest customer of connected home solutions and the share of sales dependent upon that customer; furthermore i added the share of this segments sales to the top 5 customers.
=>i added the names of the top 5 customer for network/enterprise
Slower growth
I rewrote your last sentence as: However, growth in this industry is likely to slow down as markets becomes saturated. Is that true? --catfoo 22:43, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
For the figure -- are there statistics for Motorola's market share of handset shipments (up to 2006 obviously) that you could superimpose on it? Also can you use websafe colors and avoid the pixellation? --catfoo 22:45, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> i couldn't find the exact number of handset shipments during the last years.
fashion risk
I reworded (due to non-parallel sentence structure) and didn't know what to do with: and the increased roll-out of high-speed networks. Do you mean that new technologies will increase replacement sales?
What new technologies are on the horizon for cell phones? Does the handset market spike every time something big happens and does that make everyone's revenues go up or can Motorola somehow capitalize more on that? Or will they be left behind? --catfoo 23:02, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> edited
Networks and Enterprise segment
What is WiMax and WCDMA? --catfoo 23:07, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> explained
Motorola is also confronted with factors such as the consolidation among telecommunications equipment providers and unclear timing for the granting of new licenses for providers in emerging markets such as China or India. What does this mean? Does this affect Motorola only or does it affect all players in this field? --catfoo 23:10, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> clarified this section
competitors/mobile services
What is the MOTOFONE?
=>added explanation
Would the chart make a better graph? What is the total industry profit? Do you have figures for handset sales/market share? Why is "Industry" in quotes?
You discuss emerging markets but don't discuss any numbers. do you have any of these figures? --catfoo 23:16, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> i went through Motorola's 10k, but they don't offer detailed numbers for each country.
- Is there a number for the overall size of the "emerging markets" that Motorola participates in? --catfoo 10:22, 5 April 2007 (PDT)
competitors/network enterprise
what does this mean: Furthermore, Motorola faces a number of longer term challenges as its infrastructure business lacks critical scale versus dominant players like Ericsson, Alcatel-Lucent and the pending Nokia-Siemens joint venture, especially in the WCDMA infrastructure. (i interpreted JV as joint venture). What are these challenges? What is "critical scale"? --catfoo 23:21, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> edited econmics of scale
competitors/connected home
other competitors include ARRIS, Harmonic and C-COR -- are these close competitors? i've never heard of them before. How big is Motorola's market share vs Cisco?
what does this mean: In other parts of the world, where Motorola has a smaller market share, Motorola mainly competes with many equipment suppliers. --catfoo 23:23, 2 April 2007 (PDT)
=> edited and gave more specific numbers
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